1
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:20,154
*

2
00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:27,895
"As Malcolm bent
the 17-year-old Sally

3
00:00:27,929 --> 00:00:31,132
over the lip of his tanker desk,
he thought back to her baptism."

4
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:32,200
What the shit?!

5
00:00:32,234 --> 00:00:33,868
"That summer day in '73,
every car radio

6
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:35,737
"blaring
'Search and Destroy,'

7
00:00:35,770 --> 00:00:37,572
"a warm rain lashing down

8
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:40,808
like sweat flinging off
a groupie's bouncing tits."

9
00:00:40,842 --> 00:00:44,212
It's like being molested by
an audio book. What is this?

10
00:00:44,246 --> 00:00:46,147
"The Width of a Peach."
My masterpiece

11
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:48,483
of multi-generational
sexploitative literature.

12
00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:49,717
Why the hell

13
00:00:49,751 --> 00:00:51,486
would you read me literature?

14
00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:53,421
You know I don't like
good things.

15
00:00:53,455 --> 00:00:56,224
Last night, you said that
I would never be successful.

16
00:00:56,258 --> 00:00:58,192
Well, I stayed up
all night

17
00:00:58,226 --> 00:01:02,397
and wrote 35 amazing pages
just to spite you.

18
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:05,767
So, ha! Consider yourself
thoroughly spited.

19
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:06,868
Ha!

20
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,202
Cool.

21
00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:10,705
Okay, I take back
the thing I said.

22
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,407
You will be successful.

23
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,775
Thank you!

24
00:01:16,311 --> 00:01:17,912
Now it's your turn.

25
00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:20,114
I'm proud of me, too.

26
00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:22,284
No, Jimmy! It's your
turn to take back

27
00:01:22,317 --> 00:01:23,885
the mega-harsh thing
you said to me.

28
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:26,120
And then, voilà, everything
goes back to Normal Town,

29
00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:28,590
et cetera, et cetera--
a little makeup boneage.

30
00:01:28,623 --> 00:01:30,592
Maybe some titty massages
for Jimmy.

31
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:33,895
Wait, what exactly
am I meant to take back?

32
00:01:33,928 --> 00:01:36,030
"I can't see
myself having kids with her."

33
00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:37,131
Oh, that.

34
00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:39,200
No, I'm 100% sticking by that.

35
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:41,369
Hey, can we do this
titty massage on the patio?

36
00:01:41,403 --> 00:01:43,471
I just want to keep an eye
on the hummingbird feeder.

37
00:01:43,505 --> 00:01:45,139
Jimmy!
You have dropped

38
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:47,909
eight iPhones in the last year,

39
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:50,478
one into a vat of ranch
at Souplantation.

40
00:01:50,512 --> 00:01:51,813
Child-rearing

41
00:01:51,846 --> 00:01:53,247
requires skill.

42
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:54,982
It's not the same
as binge-watching

43
00:01:55,016 --> 00:01:56,584
a season of Exemplify.

44
00:01:56,618 --> 00:01:58,052
Oh, my God!

45
00:01:58,085 --> 00:02:01,389
That is so sexist
and mansplainy.

46
00:02:01,423 --> 00:02:03,625
You a Gamergater?
Am I living with a Gamergater?

47
00:02:03,658 --> 00:02:06,428
Quiet, already!

48
00:02:06,461 --> 00:02:07,762
Why is Lindsay here?

49
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,931
She dumped Paul hard.
I said she could crash.

50
00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,666
Mmm...

51
00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:14,402
Oh, my...

52
00:02:14,436 --> 00:02:16,938
Ah...

53
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:19,507
What?

54
00:02:19,541 --> 00:02:21,509
I'm supposed to wear pajamas
like an old?

55
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:25,112
Mmm...

56
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:27,982
*

57
00:02:30,051 --> 00:02:32,854
* I'm gonna leave you anyway

58
00:02:32,887 --> 00:02:35,623
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *

59
00:02:35,657 --> 00:02:38,960
* Gonna leave you anyway.

60
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:45,767
Wakey-wakey.

61
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:47,535
I just wrapped up an
early-morning shift

62
00:02:47,569 --> 00:02:49,771
cleaning a frat house
after a "Colonial Bros

63
00:02:49,804 --> 00:02:51,305
and Nava-hos" party.

64
00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:52,707
Got the puke
cleaned up,

65
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:54,141
but the racism
and cultural appropriation

66
00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:56,277
are gonna leave a stain.
Hey, I brought pastries.

67
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:59,881
Okay, but do you want to talk
about last night?

68
00:02:59,914 --> 00:03:01,616
Oh, my God.
I was so drunk.

69
00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:03,851
I think I might have hit up
a Del Taco drive-through.

70
00:03:03,885 --> 00:03:06,821
I'm missing my side mirror, and
my fingers smell like hot sauce.

71
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,856
Wait. You drove yourself home?
Sure.

72
00:03:08,890 --> 00:03:10,324
Drunk driving is easy.

73
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:11,393
It's just like
playing a video game.

74
00:03:11,426 --> 00:03:14,128
You totally freaked out
on me last night.

75
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:16,230
Well, you took me to a wedding,
and then you ditched me

76
00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:17,732
to work on sketch ideas.

77
00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,200
Who are you, Will Sasso?

78
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,868
This is my first writing job.

79
00:03:20,902 --> 00:03:22,570
I didn't know anybody,
and you abandoned me.

80
00:03:22,604 --> 00:03:25,673
Yeah. Well, okay,
I can see how that...

81
00:03:25,707 --> 00:03:30,311
oh, was really sucky of me.

82
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:33,014
It was. Thank you.

83
00:03:39,954 --> 00:03:42,390
You know,
I'm happy for you.

84
00:03:42,424 --> 00:03:44,258
I mean, shit,
I'm a liberal.

85
00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:45,760
God knows
I should applaud

86
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:48,596
when an underrepresented
voice gets heard.

87
00:03:48,630 --> 00:03:50,965
You mean veterans?

88
00:03:52,434 --> 00:03:54,335
Yeah. That, too.

89
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:55,870
Hey, you want a pastry?

90
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:58,406
I-I just want to make sure
that you aren't implying

91
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,242
that I was hired
just because I'm Latino.

92
00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:04,278
What? Of course not.
I don't even see race.

93
00:04:09,484 --> 00:04:10,952
Hey, when did they put
this awesome eagle

94
00:04:10,985 --> 00:04:12,720
on the Italian flag?

95
00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:15,723
*

96
00:04:31,072 --> 00:04:32,073
Paul?

97
00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:36,444
What you did was
unspeakable!

98
00:04:36,478 --> 00:04:38,613
Unconscionable!

99
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:41,449
Indefensible!
Indedibble-dobble!

100
00:04:41,483 --> 00:04:43,317
How could you abort that baby
without telling me?

101
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,953
It wasn't a baby, Paul.
It was just a bunch of cells.

102
00:04:45,987 --> 00:04:47,321
You destroyed our family!

103
00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:49,557
Name one family
that's just a bunch of cells.

104
00:04:49,591 --> 00:04:51,092
Osmosis Jones.

105
00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:53,327
Why does everyone
keep doing that?

106
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,396
What made you think
you had the right

107
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,098
to make that decision for us?

108
00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:58,633
My body, my choice.

109
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:01,135
It's not that cut-and-dried
when you're married.

110
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:02,436
My body, my choice.

111
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:03,738
There's a difference between

112
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:05,272
claiming your
reproductive rights

113
00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:06,641
and behaving like a complete...

114
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:08,843
My body, my choice.
Stop saying that!

115
00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:10,244
No, Paul. You stop.

116
00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:11,312
Me and my sisters,

117
00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:13,014
we fought for this right
for millenniums.

118
00:05:13,047 --> 00:05:15,282
This is why Margaret Thatcher
went to prison.

119
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:17,485
Can you please
put on some clothes

120
00:05:17,519 --> 00:05:18,686
while we have
this conversation?

121
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,421
No, Paul. My body, my choice.

122
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:21,956
And now,

123
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:26,260
I choose to go outside
and smoke.

124
00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:30,031
Because it's my body.

125
00:05:34,035 --> 00:05:35,136
My choice.

126
00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:36,904
That's right, sucka.

127
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:50,885
*

128
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:58,793
Look, I meant it as
a good thing, okay? Yes,

129
00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:00,461
sometimes minorities
get jobs over white people,

130
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,564
even when they're both
equally qualified,

131
00:06:02,597 --> 00:06:04,465
or maybe the minority is
slightly less qualified.

132
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,333
But I think that
that is good for the world,

133
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:09,203
and I simply got you
these cool and funky pastries

134
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:10,805
'cause they're cool and funky,

135
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:13,675
not because they're Latino,
or whatever.

136
00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:15,242
Here, try one.
They're "pan dulthes."

137
00:06:15,276 --> 00:06:17,979
Wait.
What are you saying?

138
00:06:18,012 --> 00:06:19,547
"Pan dulthes."

139
00:06:19,581 --> 00:06:21,415
Edgar, they're "pan dulthes."

140
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:23,918
I pronounce everything
with a Castilian "S,"

141
00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:25,753
because I studied abroad
in "Barthelona."

142
00:06:25,787 --> 00:06:28,690
For you to say that I have
the advantage is insulting.

143
00:06:30,191 --> 00:06:33,394
I mean, if anyone has
the advantage, it's you.

144
00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,931
How do I have the advantage?

145
00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:39,033
You're a white girl.

146
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,368
There's literally a part
for you in every script

147
00:06:41,402 --> 00:06:43,104
that's ever been written.

148
00:06:43,137 --> 00:06:44,939
Not Glengarry Glen Ross
or 700 Sundays.

149
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:47,208
Besides, don't you read?

150
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,710
People just, like,
they hate women now.

151
00:06:48,743 --> 00:06:50,377
You don't even have
to hide it anymore.

152
00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:51,779
Yeah, well, you never read,

153
00:06:51,813 --> 00:06:54,048
"Cut to funny brown guy
with perfect features."

154
00:06:54,916 --> 00:06:57,084
You have the advantage.
Yeah.

155
00:06:57,118 --> 00:06:58,285
Because it's such
an advantage to be

156
00:06:58,319 --> 00:06:59,621
constantly
sexually harassed.

157
00:06:59,654 --> 00:07:01,522
And it's so advantageous
to only be cast

158
00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:03,858
as "Pretty Girl Number 3"
or "Overworked Mom."

159
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:05,727
I thought you didn't book
"Overworked Mom."

160
00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,429
And it's such an advantage to
be slut-shamed for six years

161
00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:10,765
because I accidentally sucked
Brian Dunkleman's dick

162
00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:12,533
'cause I thought
he was Chris Hardwick.

163
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,268
Look, can we at
least agree that

164
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:16,103
the true enemy here
is the white male?

165
00:07:16,137 --> 00:07:17,138
Whoa!

166
00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:19,473
Not me. I'm an immigrant.

167
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:20,474
Our story

168
00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:22,209
is so tragic.

169
00:07:22,243 --> 00:07:25,479
Do you know how many of us
drown every day

170
00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:26,881
trying to get over here?

171
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:30,251
And the true villain is
the white American male.

172
00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:33,821
Bad things happen
to white American men, too.

173
00:07:33,855 --> 00:07:35,957
Real bad things.

174
00:07:35,990 --> 00:07:39,426
You know, why don't I
let you white people

175
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:42,329
tell me how bad you all have it.

176
00:07:42,997 --> 00:07:44,198
Jesus!

177
00:07:49,270 --> 00:07:51,172
Oh, look, wife.

178
00:07:51,205 --> 00:07:53,908
I'm about to rip
my lung tissue asunder

179
00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:55,442
with the devil's tobacco

180
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:59,681
because my life has been
destroyed by the woman I love!

181
00:07:59,714 --> 00:08:01,983
Your body, your choice.

182
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,652
You know, I almost left you.

183
00:08:04,686 --> 00:08:06,520
When Vernon and I were

184
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:07,655
lost in the woods,

185
00:08:07,689 --> 00:08:09,691
he wanted to bail
and go live in Mexico.

186
00:08:09,724 --> 00:08:11,158
I should have gone

187
00:08:11,192 --> 00:08:12,860
and started my life anew,

188
00:08:12,894 --> 00:08:16,097
like John McAfee,
software millionaire!

189
00:08:16,130 --> 00:08:17,832
- Shoulda-woulda-coulda!
- Right.

190
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:20,634
Can you two idiots
do this at your place?

191
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:23,337
No! If you send them home,
her wishy-washy ass

192
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:26,173
will be lured back into that
suck-butt marriage by lunch.

193
00:08:26,207 --> 00:08:27,541
Shut up, Gretchen!

194
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:29,777
You shut up!
Aw, shit!

195
00:08:29,811 --> 00:08:32,546
Fine. Then just go
and fight in my room.
Our room.

196
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:34,548
But don't touch anything,
don't sit,

197
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:36,183
and hands off
the bed booze.

198
00:08:41,022 --> 00:08:43,891
*

199
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,002
What?!

200
00:08:55,036 --> 00:08:57,504
Nothing. I just...

201
00:08:57,538 --> 00:09:00,207
Sometimes I look at you
and I think,

202
00:09:00,241 --> 00:09:03,177
"How did this person
get in my house?"

203
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,979
It's like I've lost
the thread of a novel,

204
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,647
and all of a sudden,
there's this

205
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,482
messy short woman

206
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:10,985
who's clearly important
to the story.

207
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:13,187
So, I'm flipping back, thinking,

208
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:16,190
"I don't remember that character
being introduced."

209
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:18,826
Tell me about it! Some days
it's like I un-blacked out

210
00:09:18,860 --> 00:09:22,029
from a week-long bender, and
now I'm in this weird-ass house

211
00:09:22,063 --> 00:09:23,731
with sharp corners.

212
00:09:23,765 --> 00:09:26,934
My mate was supposed to be
so different.

213
00:09:26,968 --> 00:09:29,670
Classy, unbruised,

214
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:31,205
a first-chair violinist

215
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,107
for the Philharmonic.

216
00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:34,909
God, can you imagine it?

217
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,610
Me in the wings

218
00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:38,045
of Disney Hall.

219
00:09:38,079 --> 00:09:40,614
And we wave good-bye
to the other musicians,

220
00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:42,216
and I joke about

221
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,550
what a drag it must be

222
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:46,954
for Igor to haul
that double bass home.

223
00:09:46,988 --> 00:09:49,056
And then Dudamel does
a champagne spit-take

224
00:09:49,090 --> 00:09:51,092
and shakes his head at me like,

225
00:09:51,125 --> 00:09:54,061
"Oh, Jimmy, you are too much."

226
00:09:54,095 --> 00:09:55,897
How am I not

227
00:09:55,930 --> 00:09:59,801
arm candy for some international
movie star with a giant dong?

228
00:09:59,834 --> 00:10:01,302
Yeah.
He's part owner of

229
00:10:01,335 --> 00:10:02,904
a cool tech company

230
00:10:02,937 --> 00:10:05,639
and invents apps when he's not
dick-punching Peter Sarsgaard

231
00:10:05,672 --> 00:10:07,408
in his latest movie.
Sometimes,

232
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:10,978
we talk about adopting a kid
from a third-world country,

233
00:10:11,012 --> 00:10:12,513
but we never do it.

234
00:10:13,414 --> 00:10:15,316
And we live in
a legit-ass castle

235
00:10:15,349 --> 00:10:18,219
in Malibu with one of those
big modern art pieces

236
00:10:18,252 --> 00:10:20,922
by the guy who does
the big dots.

237
00:10:20,955 --> 00:10:22,089
What? Lichtenstein?

238
00:10:22,123 --> 00:10:24,591
Yeah. A big old Lichtenstein.
Wow.

239
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:28,095
How very sophomore year
art history of you.

240
00:10:28,129 --> 00:10:31,065
You definitely shouldn't
decorate your own house.

241
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:44,478
Knock, knock.

242
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:47,481
White lady visiting from
the Aryan zone. You still mad?

243
00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:50,117
Maybe you only like me
when I'm struggling.

244
00:10:52,987 --> 00:10:55,256
You think that I want you
to struggle?
Think about it.

245
00:10:55,289 --> 00:10:58,192
When we first met,
I was your insecure student.

246
00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:01,028
Then I was your vet boyfriend
with PTSD.

247
00:11:01,062 --> 00:11:03,464
Then I was a stoner
with no future.

248
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:06,633
But the second I get
a tiny bit of success,

249
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,202
you freak out.

250
00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:12,306
You forced me to engage
in acts of sexual deviance.

251
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,941
But you started this!

252
00:11:13,975 --> 00:11:17,144
You threw your bike
onto the street,

253
00:11:17,178 --> 00:11:19,713
and said we were new people,
and I put on

254
00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:21,983
that whole Napron-wearing,
good wifey act,

255
00:11:22,016 --> 00:11:24,185
even though I was dying
on the inside.

256
00:11:24,218 --> 00:11:26,954
You went along with
it for 20 minutes.

257
00:11:26,988 --> 00:11:28,355
And then you stabbed me!

258
00:11:28,389 --> 00:11:30,491
You want me to hide my bees
under a bushel.

259
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,793
You use your niceness
to stifle me,

260
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:34,795
and then you make me
feel guilty.

261
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,130
You stabbed me!

262
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:37,731
We both did things we regret.

263
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:39,733
Relationships are messy.

264
00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:42,503
You're actually tearing apart
my hypothetical fantasy.

265
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:43,905
Now you want to tell me

266
00:11:43,938 --> 00:11:46,040
what I can and can't imagine?

267
00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:48,075
You admitted that
you don't like good things.

268
00:11:48,109 --> 00:11:49,710
I'm just confirming that.

269
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,712
You should seriously shut up

270
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:54,181
sometimes, Jimmy.
Just shut all the way up.

271
00:11:54,215 --> 00:11:57,885
I mean, what if I did
make something of myself? Hmm?

272
00:11:57,919 --> 00:11:59,186
If I did

273
00:11:59,220 --> 00:12:02,756
rise up there
to your level, why?

274
00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:04,658
Why would that be so bad?!

275
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:08,329
Because I am not up there!

276
00:12:08,362 --> 00:12:09,396
Okay?

277
00:12:09,430 --> 00:12:10,764
I am down!

278
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:13,700
I am the downest
that I have ever been.

279
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,236
You want messy?!

280
00:12:15,269 --> 00:12:17,704
I'll show you messy!

281
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,276
Oh, no, Paul!

282
00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:23,744
Now you're going
to have bad luck.

283
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:26,380
I have bad luck!

284
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:28,349
You're my bad luck!

285
00:12:28,382 --> 00:12:30,851
God! You're so selfish.

286
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:34,288
There is something
seriously wrong with you.

287
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:36,790
Why did I marry you?

288
00:12:36,823 --> 00:12:37,959
Why?!

289
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,562
Look, if your fantasy
is so fragile...
Picking, pick, pick.

290
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,397
...that I'm able
to dismantle it...
Pick at everything I say and do.

291
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,432
...then maybe it wasn't
so great to begin with.
I'm sick of living

292
00:12:45,466 --> 00:12:47,101
underneath your highfalutin
surveillance state.

293
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:48,569
Plus, "hypothetical fantasy"
is redundant.

294
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:49,803
I just silenced
the judgy mom voice in my head.

295
00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:51,705
I don't need another one
from you.

296
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:53,574
Stop using your big voice at me!

297
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:55,542
Don't hug me.
Just let me be sad!

298
00:12:55,576 --> 00:12:59,446
I'll use my big voice
at you whenever I want!

299
00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:02,616
I'm only using my big voice
with you now!

300
00:13:15,529 --> 00:13:17,531
You... Come on.

301
00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:21,435
You had a rough month.

302
00:13:23,004 --> 00:13:24,405
You'll bounce back.

303
00:13:24,438 --> 00:13:26,473
I'm a 30-something
failed actress

304
00:13:26,507 --> 00:13:30,777
living in a disgusting
K-Town studio.

305
00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:33,347
I haven't been
to the dentist in years.

306
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,682
My agent told me
to gain 20 pounds

307
00:13:35,716 --> 00:13:38,352
so that I could at least
audition to be the kooky aunt.

308
00:13:41,522 --> 00:13:43,524
Oh, God!

309
00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:51,498
Oh, God. You ruined my life!

310
00:13:51,532 --> 00:13:54,435
Why?! Why did you do it?!

311
00:13:54,468 --> 00:13:56,470
Paul.

312
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,339
Look at me.

313
00:13:58,372 --> 00:14:01,275
Paul.

314
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:04,978
You knew it was a snake
when you picked it up.

315
00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:07,948
What?

316
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:10,151
You knew who I was.

317
00:14:11,552 --> 00:14:14,388
You don't get
to act surprised now.

318
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:16,423
*

319
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:34,508
Becca and Vernon had their baby.

320
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,943
It's a girl.

321
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:40,881
Tallulah.

322
00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:44,017
Ew.

323
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:48,955
Becca had her baby.

324
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:04,071
Dorothy's crying.
It's very mucous-y.

325
00:15:04,105 --> 00:15:07,040
Lindsay's just reciting the
spoken word parts of "Lemonade."

326
00:15:08,442 --> 00:15:10,244
Such idiots.

327
00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:12,746
We're no better
than them.

328
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,615
Oh, speak for yourself.

329
00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:16,617
I'm not the one
who flung my sandwich

330
00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:19,086
like a upset chimp at the zoo.

331
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,088
I threw it because
I realized I was living

332
00:15:21,122 --> 00:15:22,623
with an uptight dildo

333
00:15:22,656 --> 00:15:24,358
whose personality
unmakes itself

334
00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,227
anytime something bad happens.

335
00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:30,297
Says the woman who spent weeks
catatonic on the couch

336
00:15:30,331 --> 00:15:32,133
in crusty yoga pants.

337
00:15:32,166 --> 00:15:34,901
I have a clinical
goddamn illness!
Oh, right.

338
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:38,739
So you just win because your
condition is listed in the DSM?

339
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:41,275
No! I win because I am
doing something about it.

340
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,043
You're just lashing out

341
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:44,445
and putting me
under a microscope!

342
00:15:44,478 --> 00:15:46,280
It just happened!

343
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,116
He just died.

344
00:15:49,150 --> 00:15:51,084
Right, I am still grieving,
Gretchen.

345
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,253
Jesus Christ!

346
00:15:52,286 --> 00:15:54,155
But I was there first!
Where?!

347
00:15:54,188 --> 00:15:56,157
Here! In shit, miserable!

348
00:15:56,190 --> 00:15:58,559
There just isn't room

349
00:15:58,592 --> 00:16:01,628
for you to be broken
right now, too.

350
00:16:01,662 --> 00:16:04,165
Oh, that...

351
00:16:04,198 --> 00:16:05,932
that is complete...

352
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:11,472
How is that okay?

353
00:16:11,505 --> 00:16:12,673
It's not.

354
00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:15,142
It is completely unfair.

355
00:16:15,176 --> 00:16:17,644
No. This is not supposed to...

356
00:16:17,678 --> 00:16:20,581
One person is supposed to be
in the hospital bed.

357
00:16:20,614 --> 00:16:23,317
And then the other uncomfortably
sleeping on that little couch,

358
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,252
just sneaking home
to shower and...

359
00:16:25,286 --> 00:16:26,820
and walk the dog.

360
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:28,355
Right?

361
00:16:28,389 --> 00:16:31,958
Right, Jimmy.

362
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,059
And yet...

363
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:49,710
I said don't touch anything!

364
00:16:49,743 --> 00:16:51,712
I knew it was a snake.

365
00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:53,046
Get out!

366
00:17:01,522 --> 00:17:03,690
You told me
we could leave any time.

367
00:17:03,724 --> 00:17:05,692
Right.
So why didn't you?

368
00:17:05,726 --> 00:17:07,628
I've been mean.
I have been angry.

369
00:17:07,661 --> 00:17:09,530
I've been judging you.

370
00:17:09,563 --> 00:17:12,032
Which was our one promise,
from the beginning.

371
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,734
If you were serious
about leaving,

372
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:15,236
then you would have gone by now.

373
00:17:15,269 --> 00:17:17,037
You didn't
leave, either.
I know.

374
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,038
I don't know why.

375
00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:21,074
I think this may be impossible.

376
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:33,554
But can't that be okay?

377
00:17:33,587 --> 00:17:39,192
I mean, the-the vast majority
of all human effort,

378
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:42,563
however great or miniscule,
ends in failure.

379
00:17:42,596 --> 00:17:44,565
So, what are your options?

380
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:48,369
You just ad-admit pre-defeat

381
00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:51,272
because the odds are
that you're gonna be right?

382
00:17:51,305 --> 00:17:53,474
Or you do it anyway?

383
00:18:00,714 --> 00:18:02,115
Maybe we're a success...

384
00:18:03,617 --> 00:18:05,185
...regardless of the outcome,

385
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:08,322
because... we tried.

386
00:18:10,324 --> 00:18:12,225
Maybe there's beauty
in the struggle

387
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:14,395
against near certain failure.

388
00:18:14,428 --> 00:18:15,596
Is that enough?

389
00:18:15,629 --> 00:18:17,398
A beautiful struggle?

390
00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:19,400
Maybe.
It's all gonna
suck one day,

391
00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:21,435
so enjoy it now,
stop rocking the boat,

392
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,470
and that is goddamn it?!

393
00:18:31,011 --> 00:18:32,613
It's like in my book.

394
00:18:32,646 --> 00:18:34,315
Ugh, no more book.

395
00:18:34,348 --> 00:18:35,482
Gretchen tired.

396
00:18:35,516 --> 00:18:36,817
In chapter 12,

397
00:18:36,850 --> 00:18:38,652
Kitty is headed to Lisbon

398
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:40,120
to follow Take That on tour,

399
00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:42,889
but instead
she stays with Simon,

400
00:18:42,923 --> 00:18:46,427
though they have
no possible future.

401
00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:48,429
Oh, my God!
That's makes perfect sense.

402
00:18:48,462 --> 00:18:50,764
That's why they
stay together.

403
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,766
They are mirrors of you and I.

404
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,668
Theirs is
a love forbidden,

405
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:57,404
thus... doomed.

406
00:18:57,438 --> 00:18:58,472
Why is it forbidden?

407
00:18:58,505 --> 00:18:59,940
Well, because
they're half-siblings.

408
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:00,941
Wait, what?!

409
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,142
Jimmy, we talking incest?

410
00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:03,810
How did you miss that?

411
00:19:03,844 --> 00:19:05,011
I wasn't listening that good.

412
00:19:05,045 --> 00:19:06,447
Look, when I came up
with this story,

413
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,315
I was, I was falling in love
with you...

414
00:19:08,349 --> 00:19:09,783
e-even though it was,

415
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,785
it was scary and-and wrong.

416
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:14,655
I thought that
I was avoiding my feelings

417
00:19:14,688 --> 00:19:16,690
by writing my book,
but it was you

418
00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,525
who was fueling me

419
00:19:18,559 --> 00:19:19,793
this whole time.

420
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,863
Fueling you to write
about a couple of horny sibs?

421
00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:24,197
Give me.

422
00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:29,135
Show me the part
you cranked out last night

423
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:30,303
when you were all upset.

424
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:31,805
Oh, no way.

425
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:34,975
If you're experiencing
the sweeping psychodrama

426
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:36,877
of The Width of a Peach,

427
00:19:36,910 --> 00:19:38,144
you're starting
at the beginning.

428
00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:41,047
Chapter one.

429
00:19:41,081 --> 00:19:43,049
"A deep, orgasmic moaning

430
00:19:43,083 --> 00:19:45,652
"came from behind
the undersized attic door,

431
00:19:45,686 --> 00:19:47,053
"while far above,

432
00:19:47,087 --> 00:19:49,723
"a German Sprengbombe
Cylindrisch 1000

433
00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:52,192
"was falling towards
Catherine Wheel Alley,

434
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:56,196
City of London,
Post Code EC2N4RQ."

435
00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:57,564
Why do we need
the post...

436
00:19:57,598 --> 00:19:59,966
Good writing is detailed.

437
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,735
Shh.

438
00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:07,007
Oh, I've been so
jealous and awful.

439
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,675
I've been trying to get a job
for so long,

440
00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:10,343
and then when it happened
for you so quickly,

441
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,312
I just... couldn't handle it.

442
00:20:12,345 --> 00:20:13,714
Hey...

443
00:20:13,747 --> 00:20:17,050
I was so intimidated by you
in our first class.

444
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:20,454
You did the whole intro
in that fake Norwegian accent.

445
00:20:21,522 --> 00:20:23,223
My insecure vampire character.

446
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:24,190
Mm-hmm.

447
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:25,358
"Velcome to class.

448
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:26,827
"I vant to suck your blood...

449
00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:28,429
"because I suck.

450
00:20:28,462 --> 00:20:31,698
Does this cape
make my fangs look fat?"

451
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,202
God, I was funny, huh?

452
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,071
You still are.

453
00:20:41,975 --> 00:20:43,410
I'll be right back.

454
00:20:45,546 --> 00:20:47,948
Edgar. Doug Benson,
DB Industries.

455
00:20:47,981 --> 00:20:49,750
Listen,
I love your sketch ideas.

456
00:20:49,783 --> 00:20:51,184
Still chuckling over
"Lying Lawyer

457
00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:52,853
is a Liar."
I'm putting together

458
00:20:52,886 --> 00:20:54,855
a writers' room for three months
and I need

459
00:20:54,888 --> 00:20:56,222
you in it, starting Monday.

460
00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:58,425
Uh, y-yes.

461
00:20:58,459 --> 00:21:00,126
Y-Yes, Mr. Benson, of course.

462
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:01,227
Okay, I got to go.

463
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:02,563
I'm eating sushi

464
00:21:02,596 --> 00:21:03,930
off this Israeli model's
naked bod

465
00:21:03,964 --> 00:21:05,566
and the toro is getting warm.

466
00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:08,168
Oh.

467
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:11,572
Say hi, Tova.

468
00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:15,041
Hmm.
Who was that?

469
00:21:15,075 --> 00:21:17,277
Uh...

470
00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:18,445
my job.

471
00:21:18,479 --> 00:21:19,880
I-I have to go in Monday,

472
00:21:19,913 --> 00:21:21,247
uh, to the gym.

473
00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:23,316
Uh, someone
knocked a door

474
00:21:23,349 --> 00:21:25,385
off of the shower stall...

475
00:21:25,418 --> 00:21:27,554
in the men's locker room.
Colby and Travis?

476
00:21:27,588 --> 00:21:29,956
We'll never know.

477
00:21:29,990 --> 00:21:31,592
But, yeah, obviously.

478
00:21:37,197 --> 00:21:38,632
Yes.

479
00:21:47,941 --> 00:21:50,076
You thought you could master me.

480
00:21:50,110 --> 00:21:52,846
But I'm a person, Paul.

481
00:21:52,879 --> 00:21:54,615
I'm not one of your hobbies.

482
00:21:54,648 --> 00:21:55,916
You're right.

483
00:21:55,949 --> 00:21:59,319
I wanted a family so badly,
I was willing to look past

484
00:21:59,352 --> 00:22:02,689
the septendecillion pieces
of evidence that screamed,

485
00:22:02,723 --> 00:22:04,858
"We are wrong
for each other."

486
00:22:04,891 --> 00:22:07,828
Think you can stay here
a little bit longer?

487
00:22:07,861 --> 00:22:09,863
Just until we get
our affairs in order?

488
00:22:09,896 --> 00:22:11,732
Of course.

489
00:22:16,336 --> 00:22:18,539
I guess... in the end,

490
00:22:18,572 --> 00:22:21,542
we were just two stars
born light-years apart.

491
00:22:21,575 --> 00:22:22,943
You need to find someone

492
00:22:22,976 --> 00:22:24,711
in your own constellation,
Lindsay.

493
00:22:24,745 --> 00:22:27,347
Oh, Bear.

494
00:22:27,380 --> 00:22:29,382
Mm.

495
00:22:32,418 --> 00:22:35,388
So you'll throw away
the prenup?

496
00:22:38,058 --> 00:22:40,026
You stabbed me.

497
00:22:40,060 --> 00:22:43,396
You cuckolded me.

498
00:22:43,429 --> 00:22:46,232
You ruined my life.

499
00:22:50,403 --> 00:22:52,172
Better lawyer up, bitch.

500
00:23:09,856 --> 00:23:12,358
"Simon watched
the man exit the motel,

501
00:23:12,392 --> 00:23:14,527
"and they were alone again.

502
00:23:14,561 --> 00:23:16,362
"He, gazing at her,

503
00:23:16,396 --> 00:23:18,832
"she, staring at
her own reflection.

504
00:23:18,865 --> 00:23:21,768
"Both of them were watching
the same thing,

505
00:23:21,802 --> 00:23:24,571
the tears filling Kitty's eyes."

506
00:23:27,908 --> 00:23:30,043
Dude, keep going!

507
00:23:30,076 --> 00:23:32,913
I need to know what happens
with Kitty and Simon and Bug.

508
00:23:32,946 --> 00:23:34,615
I'm so worried about Bug.

509
00:23:34,648 --> 00:23:35,749
Well, that's all I wrote.

510
00:23:35,782 --> 00:23:37,584
Well, go finish it.

511
00:23:37,618 --> 00:23:38,952
You know how it ends, right?

512
00:23:38,985 --> 00:23:41,087
I do now.

513
00:23:42,122 --> 00:23:44,725
But first...

514
00:23:44,758 --> 00:23:46,860
I need to rest my eyes.

515
00:23:46,893 --> 00:23:49,562
I've been up for two days.

516
00:23:50,597 --> 00:23:52,599
Come here.

517
00:23:59,472 --> 00:24:01,808
*

518
00:24:01,842 --> 00:24:04,177
We didn't solve anything.

519
00:24:06,446 --> 00:24:08,448
I know.

520
00:24:09,783 --> 00:24:11,785
Okay.

521
00:24:13,353 --> 00:24:16,589
* This year,
I'll spend November *

522
00:24:16,623 --> 00:24:19,559
* In the house

523
00:24:19,592 --> 00:24:22,062
* August sort of stifled...

524
00:24:22,095 --> 00:24:24,097
Shit.

525
00:24:24,130 --> 00:24:25,498
That's nine.

526
00:24:26,532 --> 00:24:28,268
* It's coyness, boy

527
00:24:28,301 --> 00:24:31,604
* That caught you out

528
00:24:31,638 --> 00:24:37,143
* I know you wish for fireworks
to light your July sky *

529
00:24:37,177 --> 00:24:40,480
* I was the dampest
box of matches *

530
00:24:40,513 --> 00:24:43,249
* You could ever hope to find

531
00:24:43,283 --> 00:24:45,986
* I'm sorry, what?
I hear you, yeah *

532
00:24:46,019 --> 00:24:47,921
* I was watching
the skin peeling *

533
00:24:47,954 --> 00:24:50,523
* Off your sunburnt shoulders,
I know *

534
00:24:50,556 --> 00:24:52,993
* I know you only melt
in the middle *

535
00:24:53,026 --> 00:24:54,527
* Like ice cream and sunscreen

536
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:57,664
* Blisters in the pit
of my heart. *

537
00:25:03,670 --> 00:25:06,673
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH